Cauliflower Crust Pizza - 446 Cals

When I started a calorie-reduced diet, one thing I really missed was pizza. My current daily calorie budget is 1,211. I don't have enough to spend on pizza when each slice has hundreds and hundreds of calories... and goodness only knows I would never have just one slice. I started seeking alternatives. I found recipes, experimented, and altered. Here's what I've come up with for excellent pizza. (Please note that this crust is firm but not crispy... if I find a way to get it crispy, I'll update!)

Ingredients:
Fresh cauliflower - 1 cup grated

Kraft Mozzarella Cheese, 2% - 1 cup, separated into 1/2 cups

Medium Egg, 1 each
Ground Oregano, 1 tsp
Ground Parsley, 2 tsp
Pam brand olive oil cooking spray

Ragu Pasta Sauce, Tomato and Basil Light (no sugar added) - 1/2 cup (less if you'd like)


Method of Madness:
1. Using a cheese grater, rice 1 cup of cauliflower. Then, microwave for 2 minutes. DO NOT add water, and DO NOT cover!

2. Add 1/2 cup of mozzarella, egg, oregano, and parsley to the cooked, riced cauliflower. Stir well with a fork. This is the crust!

3. In a non-stick pan, spray a liberal amount of Pam brand olive oil cooking spray. Place pan on burner and turn heat on medium-high. Put mixture in the center of the pan. Using a plastic spatula, press crust mixture evenly in pan.

4. Once the bottom has firmed to your liking (without burning), slide crust onto a plate and then flip over in pan to cook the other side.

5. Add sauce and top with cheese/additional toppings. Cover to melt cheese.

6. When the cheese is melted, check the bottom of the crust to make sure it is firm throughout. Carefully slide pizza onto plate. CONSUME! :-D You can also share this with someone and enjoy 1/2 of the calories... though for dinner, I like the whole yummy thing!!

Calorie Breakdown: 

Cauliflower Pizza (edit name & serving)

446 calories

Mozzarella Cheese, 2% (edit) 1 Cup 280 calories Sauce, Pasta, Tomato & Basil... (edit) 1/2 Cup 60 calories Riced Cauliflower (edit) 1 Cup 30 calories Herb, Oregano, Leaves, Dried (edit) 1 Teaspoon 2 calories Herb, Parsley, Dried (edit) 2 Teaspoons 2 calories Egg, raw (edit) 1 Each 70 calories

Smart Food Choices

Making smart choices with food is hard... wow is it difficult! 

What are some of your smart swaps? Feel free to post below! Here are a couple of delicious, flavor-packed snacks I enjoy in the evenings (calorie contents included):

Mock Bagel - 138 calories

1. Open a sandwich thin roll and lay both pieces flat.

2. Split one container of cheese onto the flats and spread evenly.

3. Sprinkle with dill and enjoy!

Naturally Sweet - 185 calories

Post your smart swap(s) in the comments section!

Green Zone Rewards!

My favorite rewards that keep me happy but in the "Green Zone"...

1. Nature walk/exploring
2. Playing Wii or other game
3. Watching a movie while snacking smart (think 100-cal bag of popcorn, raspberries, and square of dark chocolate)
4. Buying a new article of clothing (smaller pants, yay!)
5. Getting (or giving myself) a pedicure

What are your favorite rewards? :-) Tell me in the comments section below!

Health - Overweight Effects

Every body handles excess weight differently. What are some problems you have had because of excess lbs? (Feel free to post in the comments section if you'd like...) I'll tell you a few of the problems I've had and the solutions I've found.

Knees

My knees started screaming at me. I acquired creaky sounds and excruciating pain that would wake me in the middle of the night and leave me near paralyzed. This flared up really badly during curling season because of the way one delivers the stone... and this was when I would curl 4-5 times a week. Then, two years later, I decided to try a Couch to 5K (C25K) program and went home each night with swollen knees and the inability to move much. I found that buying knee support braces and wearing them during runs would keep the blood/fluid flowing and would prevent swelling and pain after exercise. The last thing I needed was an excuse not to exercise!! I have a feeling that as I lose weight, this problem will become less. If not, at least I have my braces to help me through. 

Heartburn

Can you believe I've had heartburn since the end of my middle school years? I couldn't figure out why I got it so frequently (numerous times a day) or why Tums just weren't working. In high school, I had an upper GI done and found that I had GERD. I still didn't really put the whole puzzle together and didn't change my eating habits. In college, I switched to using ranitidine (generic Zantac), but I had to take twice the recommended dose to get it to work. Since moving down South for work a year and a half ago, I've had less frequent heartburn problems, but it still hadn't gone away and boy was I frustrated. I realized about 15 days ago that I had only gotten heartburn ONE TIME since the start of the new year. The change? Eating habits. Yes, it sounds obvious... but that is because it is! Eating more healthfully and reducing the amount of greasy, fried, and acidic foods makes such a difference. Heartburn is your body's way of saying, "NO THANK YOU" even though your taste buds may be greedily saying "MORE! MORE!" My grandma died when I was in college because she developed cancer of the esophagus. It was a terrible way to die. She had heartburn from a young age but didn't change her diet or take it very seriously. That will not happen to me.

Fatigue/Depression

No exercise and eating poorly is a dangerous combination. Not exercising leads my body to become tired on a daily basis and gives me more time sitting at home craving foods (whether stress-related or boredom-related). Lacking energy leads me to depression. Boosting happy hormones in my body happens through exercise. Also, knowing I did something positive for myself makes me feel happier, so positive food and exercise choices literally make me smile. I feel weak and defeated when cravings have control over me. So basically, I've been able to combat both fatigue and depression by making positive nutrition and exercise choices. I also have come to the realization that I am worth it. :-D Journaling and blogging are great outlets!

Thank you for reading!

"I once was lost, but now am found... was blind, but now I see..."

Food: Pleasure, Rewards, and Emotional Eating

Pleasure/Rewards:
For as long as I can remember, eating had been a pleasure and a reward. Treats happened often, with no regard to the calories they contained. Whether it was sneaking Oreos or Mountain Dew growing up or stopping for a fancy coffee on the way to work and at Dairy Queen on the way home from work, this is something I had been used to doing for a long time. Habits do not build themselves over night. I've heard that it takes 21 days to build a habit, though this one was many years in the making.

Food can still be seen as a pleasure, and I never want that to end... but moderation is the key. Why shove 6 Reese's peanut butter eggs in my mouth and then suffer hours of heartburn? For 1,020 calories worth of crap? After changing my eating habits drastically 2 months ago and letting my tastebuds "reset", I now find pleasure in a 1/2 cup of raspberries and a 60% dark chocolate Ghirardelli square. That's a total of 85 calories. Or heaven forbid I should REALLY want that Reese's PB egg? Then I have one. I won't deprive myself from what I want, because that makes me resent healthful eating and sends me down a road where I establish a short-term diet that has an end as opposed to a lifestyle change.

I have had to switch my brain to think of food as energy. That's what calories are... energy. If I need a reward, I should go for a beautiful nature walk, see a movie, or do something that will not involve eating a bag of chips or hurt my body. All of these years of abuse have really harmed my body (and at times, my mind), though it's not too late to make amends.

Emotional Eating:
If you want to see what a "victim" of EE (emotional eating) looks like... I could have been the POSTER CHILD! And damn, it is frustrating when you are depressed and sobbing because you think you are a fat pile of nothing... and so you eat a bag of Cheetos... and you continue being fat and continue feeling like nothing. It's a vicious cycle that will consume you if you don't break it. The first thing to realize is that it is YOU who is responsible. YOU are the person who puts food in your mouth. YOU are the person who doesn't love yourself enough to stop. YOU are the person who is letting others take advantage of you. And... YOU are the person who CAN HAVE THE CONTROL TO STOP THE CYCLE! Here are the ways I have found to stop my evil EE cycle:

1. Take ownership. Say "It's on me. Nobody else is responsible for the eating."
2. Find a way to deal with the baggage you are carrying around. Does your partner treat you like crap (and why do you let them)? Does your job stress you out too much (maybe time to start saying "no")? Do you have depression you need to deal with? Trust me--we all have our problems. You aren't alone. But if you refuse to deal with the problems, you will continue to be emotionally dysfunctional and maybe even self-hating. Trust me -- you are worth everything in this world. Sometimes you may feel like you don't matter to anyone. Love starts within, so grab life by the kahunas and begin living it!!!
3. Find amazing, inspirational, honest people to talk to. Find people to chat with who have overcome their EE issues and who will call you on your BS and excuses. Don't call up the friend who has the same problem as you because you will both end up eating cake before that call is over.
4. Find a different route to/from work. I used to drive by at least 20 drive-thru restaurants and a Walmart on my way to and from work. It was really easy to pull over and get something. By changing your route so you don't drive by those places, you'll be less likely to go there.
5. Don't keep junk in the house. If it's there, you'll eat it. If you are like the old me -- depressed and lethargic, you won't bother leaving the house in the evening to go find something naughty. You'll sit there and mope for a few minutes and then the craving will move on.
6. Find a hobby. Keeping your hands and mind busy will prevent you from snacking or eating unnecessarily. Try knitting/crocheting or playing a musical instrument... journal... blog ;-) ... Whatever! Find something to do. If you tend to be depressed, find a nature trail to walk or a public place where you can see people and hear for a little while... less time alone to brood.
7. Track your intake. Whether you use a cool site (like loseit.com or sparkpeople.com or myfitnesspal.com) or a pen and paper, the first way to be honest with yourself is to write down what you eat. If you don't want to track calories at first, fine (although it is an eye opener). But so many times I had forgotten about that huge calorie-filled drink I had in the morning or that cupcake or two I snagged at the office before I stopped at a fast food chain on the way home.

And one final word... if this is your battle, your struggle, talk to me about it. Whether you post a comment or find me on Lose It, I am an honest, open book about this because it has been a long struggle!! 

YOU are not alone. YOU can make the change.

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

For much of my life, I've been (or at least felt like) "the fat kid". Yeah, there have been short periods of time where something causes me to slim down (like track and field in middle school or converting to vegetarianism in college)... but inevitably I would balloon back up to 200-ish lbs. I would get frustrated with myself because of my lack of commitment to making myself healthy and/or thin. I admired people with perfectly sculpted bodies and felt angry and jealous. And wondered what in the hell was wrong with me.

This year I am grabbing life by the balls and making it what I want so I can enjoy my life the way I want it. I'll pretend like it's a spin off from my emotional healing process. Heck, maybe it's not even a spin off. Maybe a continuation.

Regardless... I returned to my apartment after Christmas Break with my family in the Midwest to find that I had gained 6 pounds... in ten days. I ate like a glutton. I disgusted myself with all of the sweets and food I ate, yet I was the one who put the food there and was the only one to blame for the result. I returned home weighing 215 lbs. The heaviest weight my body has ever felt was 224 in college. And here I was, climbing back up there again. I deemed it unacceptable and decided to make

the biggest decision of my life... 

I was going to get healthy!

Yeah, yeah... you're saying "Everyone says that..." or "Nobody keeps New Year's Resolutions..." FYI, this was no stinkin' resolution! This was for REAL. My friend told me about a site she had started using to log calories and exercise on and she invited me to join her. I thought "what the hell--may be useful", so I signed up. Lo and behold, I loved it. It was like Facebook for people trying to get their lives together. All of these amazing, supportive people trying to kick their bad habits, eat well, exercise more, and encourage each other. How easy it would be to get jealous of someone else who has lost 2 lbs the day you gain 1 lb.  And yet, that component of evil isn't there. It's so positive--strangers embracing strangers in common journeys. I can't tell you how much I love the site and the people. The site gives you access to charts and graphs that track your progress. To date, I've lost just over 27 lbs... I have 48 more pounds to go! More exercise, better choices, naughty foods in moderation... the whole bit. I am there. Every success makes me feel more and more empowered. I know I can do this, and I know I will. If you had asked me a year ago if this was possible, I would have laughed in your face... but now I'm laughing in my past's face. And boy does it feel good.

Website referenced: www.loseit.com
(There is also an Android App -- to use on a phone or Kindle!)

Road to Emotional Recovery

After that journal entry from the first counseling session, I continued to seek counseling and found that I was becoming stronger and more independent. I didn't need anyone to make me happy; as a matter of fact, I was happier alone than I had been before that. My friends and family supported me so much. I owe quite a bit to them. I had setbacks like everyone does, but I read my positive journal entry every time I was struggling to remind myself of my worth. I sought support online through forums and talked with people who had been through what I'd been through, many of them had been through worse than me. Regardless, I began to see it as the world's way of helping me along in life. That struggle--that scary terrible patch--was life's way of saying "there are other plans for you out there"! There have been potholes on the road, but nothing that I cannot overcome. It took me six to eight months to get over some of the feelings, but I noticed over time that the feelings became less and less. 6-8 months may sound like a long time, but it's nothing compared to 7 years. When you are with your first love, you think they are your hero. They hold the stars up in the sky. Eventually we have to figure out what really holds those stars up there. (An Aside: In April, 30 days before I found out "the news", I decided to pull myself off of my anti-depressant because I didn't love the way I felt. That meant I went through everything without it, and that meant I felt every emotion quite clearly... yet I was still able to find the light in the darkness.)

Taking Out the Garbage

It is easy in life to let the baggage creep up on you and to not let it go. Sometimes life happens and forces us to do it whether we like it or not. I was in a relationship for seven years. In the seventh year, I moved 1000 miles away for a job with the plan that my other half would be along shortly with a new job and all of our material possessions. Our relationship was on the rocks after year two, and moving away caused more strain than ever before. I was flourishing but that wasn't the case on the other end. After nine months, I got the terrible news that changed my life forever: "I cheated on you." I was beside myself, I was irate, I was crushed. It was so hard to go to work and function. I broke down time after time. I would count the minutes I was allowed to cry before I had to go back into my room and do my job. It was hell. I was pathetic at first. I tried to find a way to make it work. But I realized that I just couldn't. Was still being fed lies, though I wanted so badly to act like that wasn't the case. I realized that I needed counseling. I went to my first session with the question "Should I stay or should I leave?" It was funny because I ended up answering that question myself within the first 10 minutes. It was so easy to figure out what I had been trying to tell myself all along. This was my first step toward emotional healing and health.

Here is a positive entry I wrote after my first session. Parts of this will be omitted due to privacy.
5/12/11
"Listen                 Speak                   Feel

Today I had my first counseling session Post D-day (4/30/11 -- the day after my 25th birthday). I feel really good about the conversations we had and the questions she asked me. She didn't make me feel weird to be talking about my relationship. She didn't make me feel like a loser because I got cheated on. She didn't make me feel like an a**hole because I hacked my partner's e-mail and Facebook accounts. She did make me realize that I've been in a "first love" relationship that shouldn't have happened given [my partner's] age and [my partner's] position. I'm also realizing how unequal our relationship has been since the start.

"I'm also realizing how self-centered my partner was. [My partner] had 3 roles to fulfill:
a) Physical relationship
b) Emotional supporter
c) Keeper of fidelity and trust

"[My partner] blew the first in the year three. The second -- did support me but did so much of the talking and was focused inward... wasn't showing selflessness or equality in emotional support. The last of the 3 was obviously blown at the end of March when the cheating happened... and was kept secret for a month.

"When I was talking to my counselor, I realized I had the answer I was dancing around all along -- I NEED TO END THIS RELATIONSHIP and NOT CONTINUE IT. So self -- if you are WEAK, pull strength up from within or go spend time with people --- DO NOT keep this relationship going. You will miss [your partner], BUT eventually time will heal the wounds and scars will fade. Be as strong as you can. You deserve to be with someone who

• LOVES YOU
• RESPECTS YOU
• IS TRUSTWORTHY
• IS SUPPORTIVE OF YOUR DREAMS
• CAN LISTEN
• LETS YOU BE STRONG
• GIVES YOU THE PHYSICAL <3 YOU CRAVE
• MAINTAINS EQUAL FOOTING

"I need to think of my moving to a new city as an opportunity to start being strong and independent, as a chance to get a new outlook on life, and to see if my career is going to be for me.

"I'm going back [to my counselor] on Monday and am feeling positive. But I can't forget how good it felt to get the 'elephant off my chest.' Being free feels good. Keep the end result in mind.

• Strong woman
• Leading her future
• Finding someone who is an equal
• Social Life
• Healthy -- emotionally and physically
• Satisfied
• Successful at work
• Creative hobbies

You are not a doormat. I love you self. Others love you too. You are strong!!

The Previous "Me"

There was a girl who was trapped for years... starting somewhere around the age of 11 and extending until the age of 25. Some of her entrapment was at the hands of others, but most of it was at her own hands. She was sometimes happy but was often unhappy inside. She didn't see her worth and allowed others to influence her in ways that were wrong... she once was lost but now is found... was blind, but now she sees. She fought many battles in her own head... and comes from a line of hereditary mental illness. While the journal entries that follow are disturbing, they can give you insight into her mind. This is a person who was on anti-depressants for about 6 years and was fighting demons from her past and present. She felt trapped in a relationship and could not foresee happiness in her life. She was trapped in darkness.

Here are some journal entries from the last few years. Please be aware that these entries use explicit and/or strong language, imagery, and topics that are not appropriate for the young or weak at heart.

The first entry was written some time in the fall of 2009:
"Suicide has been on my mind for decades... well, all 2 1/5 I've been here for. Something in my chemistry can't leave it alone. When my mind wanders, its paths think of death. 'How? When?' but never 'Why?' I don't need to know why -- the reason resides in my subconscious. Gun -- too scary, messy. Jumping? Fear of heights. Hanging? But how long will it take and who will have to find me? Pills? What if I wake up?

"And you wonder why I'm still here. So DO I!! Life seems painful, purposeless, and filled with demons. Hell is here on Earth. Heartless BASTARDS survive, while INNOCENT souls cease to exist. Everything DOESN'T happen for a reason, unless that reason is to make life suck worse than it does already. I feel like a piece of ultimate SHIT, and there are many people to blame...

"I HATE MYSELF.
I WANT TO DIE.
(So why haven't I? No suitable method.)

FUCK MY Existence."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
1/19/11
"For quite some time, I would have considered myself suicidal. I thought about death quite often, compulsively in fact. I looked up information and photos on how to best do it with the least mess. I saw bloated faces hanging from ropes and belts. I saw deformed heads--someone who couldn't even kill themselves right. Bet that really fucking pissed them off. People with no esophagus because they drank draino. I even tried to get help (to the best of my demented ability) online. I also told my doctor I was feeling suicidal. She didn't talk to me about it, but she did 'up' my anti-depressant. It got worse. One day I took a belt and wrapped it around my neck. I slowly began to tighten it. I could feel my trachea closing, not permitting the air to pass the obstacle. I started to cry, loosened it, and tried to 'get a grip'. I felt like just another psycho, just another emo. I spent time planning (in my head) the note I would leave behind. Who would miss me? Who would find me? What would I look like when I was discovered? Would I look normal like I fell asleep, would there be blood everywhere, a gaping hole in my head, would there be chafing on my neck from the noose? Would I botch the entire act and wake up, alive and deformed, made to feel guilty about my attempt?

"I never actually tried. Every method had too many variables, too many potential flaws. I decided to table my future attempt until I found a sure-fire, painless way of achieving my sick and twisted goal. As much as life sucks right now, I'm glad to be alive. And I'm lucky too.


"Can't say I'm suicidal anymore. I did wean myself off of my anti-depressant. I wonder if that helped (?). Guess I won't know for a while. Sometimes I still get sad, angry, lifeless, but I have every right to FEEL. And nobody can deny or rightfully denounce my thoughts and feelings...because they are MINE and I am HERE to experience them."